A Chemical Heartbreak

Days after the faintest of faint lines, being a POAS-aholic, we definitely got our BFP. We were so excited I thought we were going to burst. I A couple Days later I was having some cramping, and I was starting to get nervous, because the line on the test wasn’t as dark as i was hoping for. I called the dr, who just told me “A line is a line” and “cramping is normal, take it as a good thing, your uterus is stretching”. Well I know my body, and these cramps were not a good thing. So I decided to wait it out and see. That night i had some light spotting. GOOGLE. Come to find out, spotting is normal, so I said “ok”.¬† I go to bed, wake up with the worst cramps OF my life. I was about to get in the Car and go to the E.R because SOMETHING was eating me from the inside. I ran to the bathroom, and the brown spotting had turned pink, followed by 3 very very large clots. then the cramps were gone and all bleeding had subsided. Devastated. I mean, I think I was only about 5 weeks along by calculations, but I was SO excited to FINALLY have gotten the BFP.

After researching, it looks like chemical pregnancies are way more common than i though. I’m just hoping that this doesn’t happen again. My husband is being super supportive and told me “at least we know we can get pregnant without help” . Its true, and I should be thankful that I CAN get pregnant… So I guess fingers crossed that the next one sticks =(

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I need advice!

So I was gone for the last week on a mini-vacation. Well needed and wonderful. While I was out there, it hit the “14 days past ovulation mark”— SOOO I tested with one of those Dollar Store cheepies. NOTHING! I was pretty saddened, so i went back to bed. I woke up at hour later to pee again, and I took a look at the test still sitting on the sink, and there she was — the faintest of faint pink lines. I mean,….you had to almost bend the light to get it that way.

Part of me was beyond excited. i felt pregnant. I had all the symptoms, my temps were still up, my chest makes me want to cry every time i take on an off a bra, I’m border liked psychotic I am so emotional the last couple of days. Sot hey said , “give it another day it will get darker”— for three days now I have been getting nothing but faint faint lines!

Yesterday I turned 15 days after ovulation, and I was a day late on my Aunt Flo. So I took a First Response Early Response and BAMB, super faint positive in like, 10 minutes. Then I took a blue dye equate brand, and got another faint positive. Then I took another 88Cent one from Walmart, which actually wasn’t faint at all, it was red! I could even take a picture of it!

What do you think?

There really is a second line there, or am I imagining it?

So I am pretty excited. I took 3 tests, mid day all faint positives that showed up in less than 30 mintues. So I’m thinking…its going to keep getting darker right?

WRONG!

I woke up today, peed on TWO sticks. One was digital and said “not pregnant” (although the test recommend not taking it less then 19 days AFTER you ovulated and im on 16) And then another blue dye test…which showed up the faintest of faint lines….even fainter then yesterdays!!

So I went back and CRIED. I called my OBGYN office to tell them what was going on, they told me it was “too early to test” being only 2 days late, and sometimes faint lines will appear and produce false positives? one three tests though?! actually, in the last week i have had 5 tests, 4 differnt brands, ALL super faint positives.

So why is it not getting darker, or showing up within a minute or two? Is this a chemical pregnancy? did I just not ovulate 16 days ago like I thought? Maybe It didn’t “implant” until a week ago?

I’m just scared and frightened. I had a Positive OPK on June 8th, I had a temperature dip on June 9th, and a Temp spike on june 10th. It’s not June 25, and I’m just seeing the faintest of faint lines, AFTER a half hour passes ūüė¶

Do you think it is still too early? I guess I am technically 15 days after a temp spike…. But I hear about all these ladies who get a bright positive at 10 days after ovulation, and it only gets darker from there.

I feel like I’m crazy. I have showed my husband all these tests too, and he has horrible eyes and has even seen the two lines…..

Totally bummed right now.

The Two Week Wait

I’m so sick of seeing/saying/hearing the words “Two week wait” — It’s the longest two weeks of my life! I am, however, addicted to the twoweekwait.com website where all the ladies post their symptoms that end in a bfp. Horrible for the mind though, I swear have the symptoms are in my head!

So I am in the Two week wait. Day 5/6 of 14. in 5 more days I can’t poas! I’m a total Pee-on-a-Stick addict, thank God the Dollar Tree sells tests for a buck! I have no shame, I throw like, 15 of them in the cart and march right up to the register and smile.

Do you ever get symptoms that ALL point to early signs of pregnancy– but they ALL have outside factors? Thats me….every month. This month though, I actually threw up at work yesterday. I have been so tired, and my chest hurts too even wear a shirt! Throwing up? Tired? chest pain?!¬† Pregnant! Not quite. Here’s the thing, I work in an Emergency Room, and the FOULEST smelling women came through the doors. The smell was so bad, I almost DIDNT make it to the bathrooms. No one else seemed to be throwing up, but I’m also new there, so I dont have 10 years of time in to not notice it. I started dry heaving though also when the ladies at work were talking about a new recipie for Beef Stroganoff. I had to tell them to stop because I did almost puke…and I like Beef Strganoff too!¬†

As for being tired… its been beautiful here, so the husband and I have been taking our Kayaks out on¬† the water damn near every night! Kind of a lot to fit in a guess while working full time…hense why I might be tired. and the sore chest, I get it every month…. it’s a staple with me and PMS.

My temps though! My cover line is around 97.2 and the day after ovulation, I spiked up to 98.4. I ‘ve been in the 98.2 range every day after. Today, day 6, I took my temp at 6 am….97.6!!! What the hell is that?! I rolled over in bed and just cried, until I fell asleep again. when I woke up 5 hours later (I’m telling you, I’m super tired), i took the temp, and back up to 98.2. …Do yuo think it could have been implantation dip?

I obsess to much.

In other news!!!! My husbands “swimmer” test came back, and his swimmers “are beautiful! They move well, shaped well, and there are enough of them!” — per my Dr.

Huge weight lifted off there. I can deal with infertility on my end, but not on his. He would NEVER be willing to choke down some of the “herbal remedies” I’ve read about online. hahaha. So thats good.

She said I did ovulate last week, so I’m hoping with that, and doing the deed at the right time, I should be good for this month?!

5 more days before I can start the testing addiction!

Did I really JUST……

Image

¬†Let me tell you what, this conception journey is quite the emotional roller coaster! One minute you think you are out for the month, the next day you find out you are just now ovulating?! This is a bit TMI for anyone who isn’t obsessing over trying to conceive. So I would stop ready¬† now… but if you are use to reading about other women’s woe’s, bodily fluid observations, and hearing about when they “did the deed”…then read on, I would love some advice!¬†

Although my cycle has been typically long…it still has always been like clockwork. I would say average about 42 days. I have tried temping, but working the swing shift, it’s damn near impossible., but never the less, I try it, just to see if I get an abnormally low or high temp.

So I’m on day 43 right now…. 3 days ago I started noticing a bit of EWCM ( I know tmi, sorry!) so while I was peeing, I decided, what the hell, I’ll take a OPK test. I have never gotten a positive on an OPK before, and all of a sudden, I watched the paper turn wet, and two very bright lines came across. WHAT?! I’m on day 40, this should not be happening! So I drag the husband¬† upstairs and we DTD (did the deed), just in case I really might have been ovulating. Next day, the same thing…two bright and deep lines. My temp was right about 97.4 which is where is usually always is, no matter what time of day. We took the day off¬† from doing the baby dance yesterday (dh can’t do it EVERY day). I was pretty bummed, but I figured if I did it first thing the next morning, it would be o.k. Well, I woke up, took my temp — 98.4! I peed on¬† an OPK stick, and got a negative. No EWCM. Nothing. Did I seriously just now ovulate?

We DTD this afternoon (36 hours from the last time) just in case there was still some chance — even though I read when you see I high temp, its too late to catch the egg. *shrugs* …can’t hurt right?

I’m particularly super excited because I have never gotten a Positive on an OPK before! And by the time CD 30 rolls around, I am so exhausted from doing it every other day, that we take almost a week/week and a half off or just wait until next “month”! Maybe I’ve been missing it every month?!

I started taking the Apple Cider Vinegar about a week ago, and I am wondering if that was enough to just “jump start” my system….. I don’t know! I mean… the only real way of tell is to wait to weeks and see what happens.

If you are still reading this to this point. I applaud you sticking through the gory details! My question is…do you think we DTD enough?¬† If I ovulated (a.k.a temp spike) Today on the 10th, and we DTD¬† this morning (really around noon), June 6th and June 8th (really like 12:30/1:00 am June 9th)…..do you think we would have caught it?

I have so many emotions running through me I could throw up. I’m going to keep my fingers crossed in hopes that the Positive OPK and the EWCM and the temp dip and spike were not just a fluke, and I really DID ovulate this late — better late than never right?!

All advice, 2 cents, and commentary would be very much appreciated!

Beach Body? I’d rather have a baby body!

This time of year the newpaper stands and the TV commercials are all screaming at us women, telling us the newest and latest drug that will make us perfect for our “beach body”.¬† Every summer I try some crash diet after I realize how much of an “addition” I built onto my body during the winter months. This year, however, with TTC, I think I want to get a baby body. I dont care about appearance as much as I want the inside of me in tip-top shape!

After a couple weeks of research (Probably could have taken a day or two, but diets make me sad) I have decided how to “detox” my body and start maintaining a health as if our country didn’t pack our food fool or pesticides, GMO’s and chemicals. A lot of the TTC forums and advice says to go Organic, but lets be serious ladies, Do we have the time and money to try and switch everything over? Sure, if the Carrots are only 50 cents more for the organic kind, you bet I’ll by them. I also spend a little extra on the organic/cage free eggs for some Karma-like help too.

Then and Now

More information on the caveman diet can be found by clicking the picture.

Alright, my goal for this “diet” ….err… I hate the word diet…I’ll call it Life Style change…. my goal for this new life style change is to:

1. Regulate my sugar to a more human level. Did you know humans are built to not even need to eat sugar? Yet the amount of Sugar forced into the consumer market is unreal! So I would like to cut my sugar in take to only about 10 grams a day.

2. Go Caveman! Well, sorta. I heard really really good advice for people wanting to be healthy. “If it doesn’t come from the ground, or have a mother, don’t eat it!”. It makes sense. What ever religion you follow, you have to admit, whether we were created or evolved, we have not yet adapted from eating fresh fruits and vegetables to eating, hamburgers, sandwhiches¬† and produce that are so packed with chemicals, you don’t need to refrigerate them yuck!

70% of all our food has GMO's

I’d rather have food that’s not created in a Lab, Please!

3. Ph Balance.¬† Not yet sure how to obtain this. But I’m wondering if this is one of the reasons we don’t have an extra pair of feet running around our house yet. I Read the PH of your body is important, and perhaps even by eating regular and healthy foods, it will regulate (I don’t even know if my ph is off even). But I also looked into taking Apple Cider Vinegar. It is a more ancient remedy for cure to PH imbalance as well as Acid reflux (acid to cure acid?) to be honest, its AMAZING! I ‘ had heart burn since I started doing it. Its all natural, it’s been sued for hundreds, thousands of years, and is safe! Many women even said they were able to conceive after taking ACV, because it did regulate their ph level….warning, don’t take it then eat something greasy, or you will be visiting your bathroom regularly! but its definitely worth a shot! I added a website to the picture below if you want more information on ACV!

Apple Cider Vinegar

Apple Cider Vinegar will create a PH balance

So these changes are a lot for anyone to handle. Luckily I’m not addicted to sugar, but I will start weening myself off all of it. I am hoping by day 1 of my next cylce, I will be detoxed and ready for some serious baby making!

 

Until Next time — Good luck!

Quiting

Quitting is hard. I’m not talking about quiting illicit drugs or cigarettes, or even alcohol (because those I’m sure are unimaginably hard!). I’m talking about straight up coffee. ugggh. Have you have had a caffeine addiction followed by a withdraw? Holy ouch!

While I’m on this journey to conceive our first little one, there are several lifestyles changes I know I need. I hear so much about how your body needs to be in tip top shape….and let me tell you, I have some WORK to do! Along with my caffeine addiction, I need to get into some sort of shape, other then round. Ok maybe not round, but all this talk about how you need to be strong and gear your body up for a “marathon like” ordeal,¬† scares me, since I get winded carrying a basket of laundry on my hip running up a flight of stairs……

So now that we are seeing someone about conceiving, it’s incredibly exciting to think, that any month could be THEE month! So, to put it politely, I need to get my shit together. I need to cut all the junk food out of my diet, I need to get on a healthy game plan for eating, i need to do so much! so to help keep me organized, and accountable, I have started a list for the stage I am in right now. If you have any thing to add to my list, please don’t be shy, and let me know!

First thing is first. Find an OBGYN who is nice. Actually, I found one. I thought I didn’t need to see one until I became pregnant, but let me tell you, am I EVER glad we did. We had our first preconception consult this week, which you can read about from the previous post. If you are ttc (trying to conceive), and haven’t done this…I HIGHLY recommend this! That way you can also get started finding your perfect Dr.

2. Go to the Dentist. I know this sounds weird, but everything I googled, says to do it…so I’m just hopping on the bandwagon for this one.

3. Ween myself off Caffeine/coffee. Oh… my god… the Migraines! Have you ever tried cold turkey from caffeine?! I work swing shift and midnight shifts….coffee is my vice! I honestly…don’t know what I am going to do. Every time I try and quit, I lay in bed for days. The Dr. told me to cut down to one cup a day…so here I go!

4. Find Pre-natal vitamins that don’t make me sick. So far…I am on the Flintstones vitamins which will work while TTC, but I have to find a prenatal once I see two pretty pink lines!( hopefully sooner than later!) Any advice on this one?

5. Relax. Advice I hate the saying most right now “Relax and it will happen“… have you ever wanted a job SO bad and didn’t go out for the interview?! It feels like, if I don’t actively keep trying, that it will not happen. So….I’ve decided to compromise — I’ll try being more relaxed at life in general, but still pee on that little OPK stick each morning…just to make sure I don’t miss THE day.

I’m crazy aren’t it?

6. Clean my house. I don’t think this is relevant to ttc, but as I’m writing this entry, I am having this sick realization as to how disorganized my house is right now. Maybe it’s PMS rounding the corner…. but right now, the clutter in my house and kitchen is driving me nuts. Seriously….how can there be so much laundry, in so many rooms. It’s just to the two of us!

This is pathetic, but all this thinking and to-do’s with no coffee just made me wicked tired…..time for a nap…..or maybe some Pinterest time first?!

Thanks for reading, and please leave any and all advice for this trying-to-conceive couple!

Tests

So our baby story started about two years ago when we first got married. The NIGHT of the honeymoon we were off contraceptives!!. We are in our mid-twentis, good jobs, so why not? All in all we want four children, close together….and lets be serious, we aren’t getting any younger.

Never the less, after¬† one year of “seeing how it goes’¬† we are still a two family couple. the second year we started tyring a little bit harder..you know, temping, CM watching (TMI!) fertility monitors….and still nothing! This is ridiculous, I think. We’ve done a lot in our couple years og being married, so I chalked it all up to stress. Once I got rid of stress factors….still nothing. Ok this is starting to become heart breaking for me. YEARS and YEARS, we’ll,¬† since I was 15 years¬† old actually, all I’ve ever wanted to be is a mother, and yet each year I see another bottom feeder of societey get pregnant from some once night stand. Harsh I know, but I’m sensitive! WHY can’t a person like me, not be able to have kids?! Is it Karam? Is it because I do look down on those people that are living off¬† welfare but still manage to fire children out of there vagianas like it’s a clown car?

Ok…im gettign bitter. I’m learning to not be so bitter. I’m failing at it, but it’s a work in progreess.

So anyway, Today, I decided I’m doing it, I’m going to the Dr and telling her I am broken. It was nail biting. I hate the city I live in — everyone here is rude, so I was just imagining walking in there and having them tell me to come back in yet, another year, or when I’m older,and just keep at it.holy cow was I ever wrong! Not only were they the sweetest people I think I have ever met, they made me feel like ‘yes, this is a good time for you, we’ll help you towards your goal”!

I left there with a whole battery of tests to make sure I am working ok. I feel like a thousand lbs has been lifted off me. Now I can actually SEE what is going on with me, and possibly, hopefully, be able to fix it easily, and be on our way to starting a family.

Gosh. just thinking about it I am beyond excited and nauseated at the same time. But I’m 27, I can do this right? Women were built with the mental and physical capability of child birth….right?

I am so having my fingers crossed that one of these tests shows a viable reason for why I havent been able to conceive, and it is the simplest of fixes!

tomorrow…its hubbys turn!