So I’m a bit frightened right now. I swear its time like this I could really use a mom! Well, I finally was able to induce a period…never thought I’d be so excited about that! Today is day 1 of my Clomid. I am taking it on days 3-7…. and nervous. I’m nervous about side effects, I’m nervous about not ovulating, I’m nervous that the day I ovulate I will be stuck working on not be able to see the husband! I’m nervous that it will work and I will have twins (not that that would be a misfortune, I just don’t think I can do it).
I’m too nervous too much. I need to relax. I told my husband that if worst come to worse and I ovulate on the days I’m working…I’ll just call in sick for a day. He thinks that is “a bit much”…I swear men really don’t understand the timings of these things some times!
another thing I’ve been struggling with is embarrassment. I wanted to be a mother naturally. Now I feel like I’m creating a baby in a fake laboratory. I know THAT sounds ridiculous, because really all I’m doing is shortening my cycles and ovulating. him and I are doing all the work …right?
Every day I swear on facebook I see a new ultrasound picture from a friend who is having a baby. I guess I don’t know if any of them are on Clomid or how long it took, but I do know a good many which were unplanned…..and I am struck by jealousy and sadness all at the same time.
Why do us women have to think so much? maybe its just me, but I wish i could just stop over analyzing everything, and just be thankful that the Dr can give me something that will allow a shorter cycle so we can try it.
Maybe, when it comes down to it. I’m just scared it wont work and I really wont ever be able to have children. my whole life…thats all i really wanted. Some people were made to be and do great things. I was made to be a mother. Hopefully it will happen!
I’ll post the next 5 days on how the clomid is doing, and if I am getting any side effects from it!
Good luck too all of you!