Throwin’ in the towel

GAH! I am so frustrated I want to cry/scream/throwup/throw something/throw in the towel! I seriously have had it. with  the temping, and the peeing on stick, and the scheduled sex, and the anticipation every two weeks, and then getting my damned period.

It was my first round of Clomid this month. I had 5 days of positive OPKS. We had sex twice. SO fucking pissed at my husband too. HE PROMISED me he would be on board and man-up for 7 days.  You see, we have opposite schedules. He gets up at 4:00 am, and goes to work unti 4 p.m. I work from 3 pm – Midnight. So when I get home, hes sound asleep and he is GRUMPY as hell when I wake him up. SO WHHT THE FUCK AM  I SUPPOSE TO DO?! I wasted an entire cycle of Clomid because we only had sex on the 19th and 20th, while ovulation showed positive from the 19th -23. We havent had sex SINCE the 20th!!!! GRRRR. So now I am a walking hormonal-satanic- bitch. I hate everyone. I hate when I see low-life pregnant 19 year olds strung out on drugs and alcohol, I hate my work for giving me the worst schedule EVER all of the time! I hate my husband because he cant  wake up when I get home from work.  and I hate after 2 fucking years, I am still not pregnant! I hate that I LOVE coffee and I havent had any in MONTHS because I’m ttc. I hate that I have gone out with my girl friends, because I always seem to be in the Two Week Wait. Most of All….I hate the two week Wait.

I am 8 dpo today. My boobs dont hurt, I am extra watery “down there”, AND I  am cramping like a son-o- a-bitch today. When I got pregnant in June… My chest was sore, I was dry as a desert, and didn’t have any cramping…which leads me to believe I’m going to have my periode soon.

I told my husband that I am done with it! I am not taking another round of Clomid, because this hole last week Ive had heartburn so bad, I throw up every time I wake up or eat. and I have had hot flashes so intense that I want o strip all my clothes off at work…and for WHAT?! for him to not sleep with me when I give him SEVEN DAYS to do it?!?!?! FUCK!

I’m just done with it. I’m tired of feeling broken and let down. I’m tired of seeing all my friends (literally ALL of them) conceive and go into labor, while I’m still trying to get pregnant.

I had a lady at the hospital last night as me if I had kids, and I said no. and she said “well, not yet then” and I wanted to slap her and tell her she was a Cunt (sorry for the language) and to let her know, if she MUST know, that I will NEVER have children apparently, because the people who have their shit together, who are responsible and financially ready, apparently cant create babies on their own.

So, with my ttc towel in hand, I’m throwing it in!

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