I hate these days. Patients is not my strong suit. I haven’t heard back from one of the places I interviewed at. I think they said today they were hoping to make a decision, or maybe Monday. But I was hopeful, so I am a little disheartened.

I peed on another OPK yesterday, and it was still positive, not as dark, but still positive. We didn’t do it yesterday because the hubby can’t go every day (frustrating, but it is what it is). Today it was back to negative. We are still going to do it tonight, just in case, but I don’t know. I’m having  a “poor me” kind of day. I wish it wasn’t this hard to try and get pregnant. I hate the fact that once my OPK’s go negative, I build resentment towards my husband because I feel like, maybe we didn’t get pregnant because we didn’t DTD EVERY day…which is absurd, I know, but it’s how I feel. I sit and just think about ‘what could I have done/eaten/taken that would have gotten me pregnant this round’. Who knows, maybe it did work. I want it to.  I am back home where I love, I am not working swing shifts, I am eating better, I have no real stressers in my life, so it SHOULD work. I wish I wasn’t so damn negative! I really think that’s what it is. I just don’t think it could ever happen to me, so its like a self fulfilling prophecy…People can get pregnant after months of trying right? Or is the fact we haven’t gotten pregnant a sign that it will NEVER happen.

I’m being ornery and ridiculous tonight. I wanted to go to a movie at 6:30, but my husband decided to stay late at work until 6, when he usually gets off at 3 pm and he works an hour away. I don’t even want to talk to him I’m so pissed…and the truth…. I didn’t want to see the movie, well I did, but I’m more pissed because I am CRAVING popcorn, and no I don’t get it. GGAAAAD. I should just go to bed.

Tomorrow is my second acupuncture appointment. Maybe If I ovulated today, the acupuncture will do its thing and I can get pregnant? Lets hope that it will all work itself out. For the mean time, I’m going to try and not worry so much about what I could have done better. I did the baby dance every other day this week. I got a positive OPK. I took my vitamins and got ample sleep. I layed there for 30- 1 hour after each dance to make sure it stayed in as much as possible. I ate pineapple core, and will do so for the next 3 days. I am doing acupuncture, and I am reading Buddhist theology readings every day to keep relaxed…..I mean…is there anything else I could/should have done?! I don’t think so… lets see as I enter the two week wait.



7 thoughts on “Cranky

  1. i just now read your post because i saw your name on kappochino’s blog… i feel like i could have written that post!! its like you wrote a page out of a day in my life lol. i hope you get your bfp soon… this infertility stuggle sucks the joy right out of everything. i know any useless comments i make like “just relax and dont worry about it. you did all you could” wont help. but ill just say that i know how you feel. good luck!! God bless.

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