Lem·on [lem-uhn]– noun : a person or thing that proves to be defective, imperfect, or unsatisfactory; dud.
That, my dear readers…would be the definition of my uterus. I don’t know what is going on here. I’ve been taking my temperature ever morning, and each morning there has been a .1-.2 drop. I.e. 98.2, 98.0, 97.7, 97.7, 97.5, 97.3……usually I hold strong right at around 97.7.
Today is CD 13. I am suppose to go to my “Post-coital” exam today, but I haven’t ovulated. There is nothing that is showing I will ovulate either. I don’t have an access of CM, I don’t have steady temps, and my OPKS aren’t even turning a little bit darker. So I don’t know. I wish I could just call him and tell him to do an IVF , because this trying each month is getting exhausting! We “do the deed” every other day, but let me tell you, when you’re cycle is 36-42 days….. that’s a lot of sex for a working couple! I know we are young, and suppose to be like rabbits, but sometimes life makes you too damn tired.
Today, I am too exhausted to give a damn. I was on pinterest this morning to help with the Facebook withdraws, but now my friends have created “baby” folders and are posting cribs, and room decors, and pregnancy diet guides….I admit, I do it every now and again, especially on the TWW to keep my hopes positive. But today. I just don’t care. I am exhausted. I don’t have any kids. I don’t have a job. I don’t have any friends, so I sit around all day stewing about how bad I want kids, and what more I could do….
I drink apple cider vinegar, I eat pineapple, I’m taking fertility drugs, I’m going to an acupuncturist, I am meditating, I go for walks, I have sex every other day. To be honest, this emotional roller coaster is tough.
What bothers me the most though, is that I wanted this to be such a fun experience. I wanted to love having sex with my husband. I imagined my conception story would be us getting drunk one night, making some ‘bad’ decisions (like doing it on the couch with the curtains open), have some crazy sex, laugh about it the next two weeks, but not think anything of it, and then when I was late, take a test and be shocked and excited…..This couldn’t be further from how I thought my conception story would be.
I want to restart. But I’ve tried. So now, I’m going to hope that my “mechanic” (Fertility Doctor) can fix my Lemon.