“What He Can Expect, When She’s Not Expecting”

So last night, I was invited to a family members baby shower. Obviously I cried. But what makes matters worse, is that this family member and I (Sister in Law) don’t even get along. We are on opposite sides of the personality pole. She’s high maintenance, I am not. She is an indoors only kind of girl, I would live in a tent if I could. She eats all processed foods, smokes and drinks, and I enjoy the all natural, none GMO kinds of foods. She thinks she is above everyone else, I treat the janitor of the hospital with the same respect I would treat my Dr. She is open and judgmental on the flaws in my personality, I am bitter behind her back. So anyway, you get the picture….her baby shower is coming up. My Mother in law called all excited to invite me, with a hint of disappointment finding out I got my dream job, because now, I might not be able to make the shower….which is 9 hours away.
Pissy is an understatement of my attitude last night- I should have had a green face and carried a corn husk broom around the house.  I’ve been really ornery the last couple of days. I just can’t deal with people. So I don’t want to go to the shower, and I am even more cranky that they were a little disappointed that I would be starting a job, and might miss it. My SIL lives 4 hours away….they have never come to visit, because the drive for her is too hard on her body. So we go there and visit every time. Our MIL’s house is 9 hours away, and of course, because I am childless and healthy, I am expected to make the journey for every F’ing occasion. So I told my husband, with teary eyes, that I didn’t even want to go. He got so upset and proceeded to tell me how disappointed he was in me, and that I should just “put aside” my feelings and be happy for her. SHE SHOULDN’T EVEN BE PREGNANT!  GAH! I know I know… (she’d be saying the same thing about me)

So, naturally I wanted to kick my husband right in the liver after that remark, but, tapping into my inner Buddha, I refrained.  We ended up having a really good conversation about how hard it is to attend these events, and then to attend it for someone who isn’t ready to have children, and who I already don’t care for, is going to be awful. I know I should be happy for her, but at least you ladies might be able to understand.

I was reading another bloggers blog today, and one of the comments below was explaining that, when dealing with infertility, a great book, What He Can Expect, When She’s Not Expecting, is a wonderful way of letting you husband really understand what is entailed with TTC. The tests, the complete invasions of our Vaginas, how second nature explaining to the  DR on the other side of the line what your current cervical mucus is like, the heartbreak each month, the two weeks of crazy symptom spotting and back and forth of “Oh this is a good sign!” and “Ugh, Aunt Flow is definitely on her way”. We are still just in the Clomid stage, and nothing is worse than hearing my husband say “Do we have to do it tonight?” ugh!

I told the hubby about the book, and he said he would read it, and that it actually might help him “get it”.

So I wanted to pass it on to you ladies out there. Anyone read it? If not, anyone going to look into it as well?

Till Then,
Mrs. M

Ps. I’m 8 DPO and my boobs hurt when I even think about them. Sadly, this is a normal sign that AF is getting ready for her 3 day extravaganza. My pup isn’t afraid of me either. I think the other day had to do with him getting into something he shouldn’t have. I am however, so tired I am thinking about calling it a night at 7 pm. I haven’t been sleeping well because I wake up SO thirsty 5 times a night. I really should learn to hydrate better.

7 thoughts on ““What He Can Expect, When She’s Not Expecting”

  1. I’m so glad your husband said he would read the book!! You’ll have to let me know what he thinks after he’s done. Also – I can completely relate to everything you just said and I totally feel for you. If my one sister-in-law is pregnant before me, I will be jumping off a bridge… I hope you don’t have to go to the shower. :-/

  2. Jeepers. Don’t go to the baby shower. Thankfully we don’t have many of them in my country. I couldn’t handle all that. I hope you can get out of it. The distance alone would get me out of it here but maybe it’s different where you are. I just think, why would you put yourself through that misery for someone you don’t even like? If you can do it, fair play to you. Great to see a book out on infertility for men – at last! Will have to get it for hubby. He’s been great but I just know he doesn’t go through the same heartbreak I do each month/failed IVF/miscarriage. Thanks!

  3. The fact that the shower is 9 hours away should be reason enough not to go. Sheesh! I know how you feel about the travel. It’s the same for us. We don’t have as far to go (just 3-4 hours one way), but it’s always expected that we will go to them.

    • So frustrating right?! and then when I invite them to come visit they either say “You know the drive is too hard on Her, you can’t expect that”….but 9 months of carrying a baby isn’t?! or my other in laws who say “we can’t visit,….do you know how hard it is to travel with children? you guys dont have any, so why don’t you come up here?” Please add salt in the wound when I already am frustrated with you! YEs I do know how “hard” it is, I was a military brat and we traveled and moved ALL the time….make some bingo sheets for the kids and have them play billboard bingo. This topic just frustrates the hell out of the hubby and I. When I have kids….can I use those excuses to never have to go visit?! hahaa. okay I’m done. lol.

  4. I think it would be better for you not to go…for your own sanity. Not sure why your hubby is so upset by this as he probably wouldn’t even be going to the shower. It really is a ridiculous amount of traveling and everyone should be happy for you that you got your dream job. You need to focus on the positive and the job is a great positive for you. You need to try to get your hubby to understand that going to this shower is going to be very emotional for you…it would be for anyone in our position. I know I wouldn’t be able to attend and your family members need to be sensitive to you too. Send a gift, wish her well but stay home and focus on your own family and your emotional well-being.
    I never heard of the book, but I am gonna check it out now. I do have to say that going on six years of this, my hubby gets the emotional roller coaster because some months I think he gets more upset than I do when AF comes. But in the beginning I don’t truly think he understood how painful it was for me (when 20 women and this is not an exaggeration – have been pregnant at my office and I had to go to work and see them everyday). There were a few years with multiple women pregnant at once, but that certainly didn’t make it any easier. Try to have patience with him…it is hard emotionally for him too (even if he has a hard time showing it) and I am sure it is hard for him to see you in pain.

  5. She sounds really selfish so maybe it’s time that you were selfish – think of yourself and don’t go! It’s so hard when you’re TTC with infertility probems and everyone around you is falling pregnant. Having to sit there with a smile on your face when someone announces their news, or join in at a baby shower, it’s the hardest thing to have to do and anyone with any regard for your feelings would understand that. Not that you expect everyone to walk on egg shells around you but just for their understanding in that you might want to avoid certain situations for both their sake and yours.
    It’s a baby shower, she’ll have her close friends and family there and if you two don’t really get on, then would she really be devastated that you’re not there? Probably not, she’ll get over it.
    I know it’s hard that hubby doesn’t understand, they’re just not wired like us and it’s frustrating that they don’t feel or react in the same way as we do.
    You don’t need any added ‘stress’ when you’re going through this and if you do go to the baby shower, it’s just going to wind you up and upset you even more, so best to avoid it all together and focus your postive energy on yourself.

    • Ah, Thanks so much for the support! Makes me feel MUCH more at ease to know that I’m not being unnecessarily selfish, or ridiculous in my state. It’s hard for others to give advice, or to tell you to “man up” when they haven’t gone though infertility issues. Thanks again!

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