My husband is a genius! I couldn’t imagine going through this without him. Sure there are lots of men out there, that I’m sure are supportive, and maybe some even more than my husband (“loose the attitude”, remember?) but the way we communicate is purely incredible.
I was feeling a little down today, because I saw so many of my fellow bloggers who found out that this was not their months, and it makes me wonder….will one of these months ever be the month for us.
The scariest thing about TTC, is the fact that it may never happen. All your hopes and thoughts and baby dreams will never happen. The baby names you’ve picked out will never be used. The pregnant belly you imagined you would have will never be felt. It’s nauseating. You wonder if the bitterness will ever go away….
“Please tell me it will be okay”, I ask my husband over and over and over. “It will be okay” he replies….BUT HOW?! Well tonight he answered it. “We will travel and live sick lives. If you aren’t pregnant by the time you are 33 (6 years from now), we will go on a trip of a life time. We’ll go on a vacation to some far off land– Fiji, the Islands of Skye, Ushuaia, you name it, we’ll go. We’ll leave the dogs with someone, and we’ll take off a couple weeks each year, and instead of a college fund, we’ll travel with the money, hell, we’ll buy land in Canada!”
It’s perfect. The two things I have always wanted. Kids and Travel, but not just any kind of
traveling, anthropological/archaeological destinations are my favorite! So we started talking about what we would do, and it made me so relaxed! If it doesn’t happen it doesn’t happen. Easier said than done, I know, but we have 6 more years to try, and if it doesn’t happen, I am going on the trip of my dreams. I have always wanted to go on an Archeological dig, and there are places that you can do it as a vacation! My husband and I would be all over that! We consider ourselves hobby archeologists/astronomers lol, silly, but we enjoy it, so what the hell.
Maybe this will help soften the blow of receiving a negative test each month. Maybe it will be just enough that the knot in my stomach will start to go away, and I can be a little more relaxed, knowing that the life I was suppose to be taking, differs from the one I always imagined.
Here are my Top 5 Choices for our “Barren-Vacation” trip…
1. Ushuaia. The southern most inhabited city in the World.
2. Isle of Skye. This has been on my Bucket-list since I was little! the beauty of Scotland is breathtaking alone, I can’t imagine the feeling of serenity you get when looking out off those cliffs..
3. Lord Howe Island, Australia
4. Machu Picchu.
5. Salt Flats in Bolivia
Of course I will still be hoping each month that it will happen, but at least if it doesn’t, I won’t completely feel like I no longer have a purpose to live. Who knows, maybe we will be those DINKS (Double Income No Kids) you see on House Hunters International that want to buy their second home in another country to “get away from it all”….