My husband is a genius! I couldn’t imagine going through this without him. Sure there are lots of men out there, that I’m sure are supportive, and maybe some even more than my husband (“loose the attitude”, remember?) but the way we communicate is purely incredible.

I was feeling a little down today, because I saw so many of my fellow bloggers who found out that this was not their months, and it makes me wonder….will one of these months ever be the month for us.

The scariest thing about TTC, is the fact that it may never happen. All your hopes and thoughts and baby dreams will never happen. The baby names you’ve picked out will never be used. The pregnant belly you imagined you would have will never be felt. It’s nauseating. You wonder if the bitterness will ever go away….

“Please tell me it will be okay”, I ask my husband over and over and over. “It will be okay” he replies….BUT HOW?! Well tonight he answered it. “We will travel and live sick lives. If you aren’t pregnant by the time you are 33 (6 years from now), we will go on a trip of a life time. We’ll go on a vacation to some far off land– Fiji, the Islands of Skye, Ushuaia, you name it, we’ll go. We’ll leave the dogs with someone, and we’ll take off a couple weeks each year, and instead of a college fund, we’ll travel with the money, hell, we’ll buy land in Canada!”

It’s perfect. The two things I have always wanted. Kids and Travel, but not just any kind of

traveling, anthropological/archaeological destinations are my favorite! So we started talking about what we would do, and it made me so relaxed! If it doesn’t happen it doesn’t happen. Easier said than done, I know, but we have 6 more years to try, and if it doesn’t happen, I am going on the trip of my dreams. I have always wanted to go on an Archeological dig, and there are places that you can do it as a vacation! My husband and I would be all over that! We consider ourselves hobby archeologists/astronomers lol, silly, but we enjoy it, so what the hell.

Maybe this will help soften the blow of receiving a negative test each month. Maybe it will be just enough that the knot in my stomach will start to go away, and I can be a little more relaxed, knowing that the life I was suppose to be taking, differs from the one I always imagined.

Here are my Top 5 Choices for our “Barren-Vacation” trip…

1. Ushuaia. The southern most inhabited city in the World.

2. Isle of Skye. This has been on my Bucket-list since I was little! the beauty of Scotland is breathtaking alone,  I can’t imagine the feeling of serenity you get when looking out off those cliffs..

3. Lord Howe Island, Australia
Lord Howe Island has some of the most beautiful palm trees.

4. Machu Picchu.

5. Salt Flats in Bolivia

Of course I will still be hoping each month that it will happen, but at least if it doesn’t, I won’t completely feel like I no longer have a purpose to live. Who knows, maybe we will be those DINKS (Double Income No Kids) you see on House Hunters International that want to buy their second home in another country to “get away from it all”….

Till then,
Mrs. M

Greece….oh ya!

7 thoughts on “Eureka!

  1. you’re so right, its the ‘what if it never happens’ thats the hardest… but like you I very much plan to travel my ass off if it doesn’t! I’ve been to macchu piccu and the salt flats in Bolivia… i need to get thinking of a list of my own!

  2. As the old saying goes “Plan for the worst, and hope for the best”. My neighbor was telling me that since she only had one ovary, they didn’t think she’d be able to get pregnant (25 years ago), so after 5 years of trying, she said she started making a list of where she was going to travel, and do things that people with children can’t, or would be harder — that month she got pregnant! I’m not saying it will work, or its a psychological miracle cure, but I think if we can look forward to SOMETHING, I think it’s better than nothing.

    Is Machu Picchu as incredible as I think it will be?! Worth going for sure? or try something else like the Isle of Skye or the Lord Howe Island?

    Also, have you ever seen the movie UP?! I might write about that next. It’s a couple who couldn’t have children, and they traveled all over the world until they were old. heartwarming for us that feeling like we are being suffocated in the world of TTC!

  3. My future travels include the Galapagos and Morocco. 🙂 Traveling sounds like it’s a healthier “Worst Case Scenario” plan than my Animal Hoarding plan. I know it’s on the other side of Scotland, but I’d also suggest Orkney. My husband has been promising me an Orkney trip every since we met, but we always end up just in a pub in Aberdeen. One of these days…

    I can’t bring myself to watch “Up.” I was borderline hysterical when I watched “Raising Arizona,” and I don’t think I’m in a strong enough place to watch it right now.

    • I Googled Orkney…it most definitely made it to the list! I love Scotland so very very much. My dad is from Scotland so he took us a couple times when I was a teenager, but reading the “outlander” series, has made my desire to go back so much stronger! Fingers crossed I never make it there though.

  4. This made me all kinds of happy! Obviously, the thought of never having a baby is not a happy thought, but the fact that you’re letting yourself envision a wonderful life without kids is a very healthy step, one that I think all of us need to take. I hope one day you’ll be able to have it all and take your kids to Machu Picchu. 🙂

    • AW! Thanks! Of course, since I’m on clomid I switch moods like I switch lanes on the interstate (quickly and often)….. One minute I will think everything will be okay, and then all of a sudden, I think of never being pregnant, and I’m damn near having an anxiety attack…. But like all things in life, it takes practice to be calm and accept things in which we have no control over. I have control issues, so I think that is why having a Plan B, will help ease those moments of agony! But, hopefully I will be able to take a whole family to see Machu Picchu, or the Isle of Skye!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s