Oh, but my husband was 100% serious when he called me today while I was at work to inform me, that he got his “orders” to relocate, and he is due to be in Ohio in two weeks, for a 5 month stint….You know, trying to conceive with a defective reproductive system is hard enough….TTC when your spouse lives two states away is impossible.
At this point, it’s almost humorous, as how impossible it is for us to have kids. Maybe it’s not meant to be? I just, I can’t even ponder that right now, because I want it to be, whether it’s meant to or not.
I started taking OPKS to work with me. Is that strange? I just, I’ve always taken them in the afternoon, and they seem to be stronger at 1 p.m then they are at 6:30 p.m….Has anyone else ever experience that?
Well today, I was on my lunch break, and I sneaked my OPK into the bathroom at work with me and I sat in the stall waiting for it to change. Two very very bright lines appeared. I was excited, but exhausted too. I’ve seen those two bright lines every month for the past 7 months on CD 19. It doesn’t really mean anything any more, other than go home and try baby dance my heart out, and then wait for two weeks.
I’m trying to be hopeful. This is my first month of 100mg of clomid. The only thing I’ve noticed is the lack of EWCM. (TMI ALERT), usually my EWCM is crazy abundant this time each cycle, and now, is not really there….. maybe that’s a good thing? Maybe too much was bad? I don’t know, I’m too exhausted to keep obsessing over it. Especially not that I have to worry about relocating my husband within the next two week.
This is our one chance in the next 6 months to try and catch the egg. No pressure. My
mood is very strange right now. I’m excited that I am ovulating, I’m upset that it’s still at CD 19 and not sooner, I’m nervous wondering if the clomid will give me an ovulation that will be strong enough to stay and produce a good egg, I’m exhausted from all the obsessing and trying, I’m feeling like life is mocking me by sending my husband two states away in the
midst of trying to conceive with medical intervention, I guess, I’m just a grab-bag full of mixed emotions.
Right know though, I’m tired. Tomorrow will be the end of my second full week of work. I’m finished with training, and now I’m just learning how to do my job and keep my head above water, which is exhausting in itself. I have so much going on, I just want to sit in my kitchen and cry, and I haven’t even started the emotional roller coaster of the two week wait, that will start tomorrow or the next day.
Who knows, maybe all this stuff going on will give me a chance to ‘forget’ about TTC, and have it work? All I know, is we are going to baby-dance our little hearts out over the next three days, and do everything we can….until our next chance at it in August/September….