Reset.

We went away for the weekend….Kentucky, Ohio, Indiana and Illinois, it didn’t matter where we were, it was just nice we were there together. My husband is moving in less than a week, and we went to Ohio to apartment hunt for him. Talk about strange. I was walking through apartments thinking ‘this is where my husband will be for the next 5 months without me…who is going to cook for him? What if someone breaks in? What if he has an asthma attack and I’m not here to wake him up out of his sleep and fetch his inhaler’ and my heart started to break.

It’s only for 5 months. It will be a good 5 months. It will be a time we can have, that many don’t get the chance to (not that many people want to). We get to take a break, and reset our marriage, or relationship, and our goals in life. We get a couple months to relax and not think about babies. We can work on getting into shape. I have gained an unnecessary amount of weight on Clomid (anyone else?), and along with having to deal with the emotional roller coaster that dates the process of trying to conceive and infertility drugs, I am not going to lie, I’m looking forward to taking a break. I know I have only started Clomid (Round 4 with a three month break in between) but I really want to work on my marriage and getting healthier. In the last couple of months, I’ve made a cross country move, set up my house, started a new job, and am relocating my husband again.

Being apart will have it’s benefits. I know many of you will think I’m off my rocker, but we could use this. 5 months of not thinking about babies. 5 months of what was full of badgering to have sex and a desperation for communication, will be replaced by long conversations filled with lots of “I love you”‘s and “I miss you”‘s. I am going to eat better.

It’s one of my husband and I’s down falls. We love to go out and eat. There are so many restaurants in Chicago, that it’s hard not to pick a different one every night and try it! We love food….okay, so maybe it wasn’t just the clomid that made me gain an unnecessary amount of weight the last couple months, but it didn’t help 😉 We love going out to eat because it’s time we get to spend together, and try different cuisine, and talk about it. When we first moved to Chicago after college, we did an “International Date Night”. Every Friday, or every other Friday, we would choose a new restaurant that served a different world cuisine we had yet to try…. Thai, Chinese, Irish, Scottish, African, Russian, Ukrainian, Italian, Jamaican… you name it, Chicago cooks it!  Maybe we’ll picking it up again, since the hubs will be in Cincinnati, and I’ll be here, and we are going to do an “every other weekend” kind of relationship.

Anyway, I’m welcoming this reset. I’m looking forward to spring, fresh air, some alone time, and some much much needed relationship building time. Just think, we’ll be apart for two weeks and only have the weekends together….I think it will help us remember how precious our time is together, and rebuild that excitement and love we have always had, but has been smothered by dreams of baby’s.

This weekend was a glimpse of what it will be like. We stayed in a nice hotel, we drank, ordered in, cuddled, slept in (except for the 5:30 am potty call my dogs are scheduled too!….HOW DO THEY KNOW?!) and explored the new town. We didn’t talk about babies, we didn’t talk about sex. We just talked about life and what we are going to do on the weekend when I come visit, and a plan on how we can pay off our debt in the next couple of years, so I can travel with him on these short jobs and not worry about working, just being together. Maybe we’ll have a family by then…maybe we wont, but it can’t ruin me =(

Like I said in the previous posts. We aren’t in the TWW because we didn’t have sex during the right times….except the first day of the positive OPK…. It’s been nice not really thinking about it. I got sick a couple nights ago, and my husband got a little excited and I got frustrated, because I had to reiterate the fact that we had to have sex during the right times to get pregnant, and to PLEASE not give me any false hope.

It’s crazy how your body makes you feel pregnant during the TWW even when you know, without a shadow of the doubt, you aren’t. Maybe it’s a good reality check, to cool the fuck down during the TWW and not listen to ever sign your body gives you, because sometimes…shes just a lying deceitful bitch. haha, thank God for this break coming up eh?! Seriously though, I don’t know if it’s the higher dose of Clomid, or what, but my boobs are so sore, I actually woke up crying in pain because I accidentally rolled onto them last night in my sleep…All I want to do is ice them right now. Anyone on 100mg of Clomid, who didn’t have a successful session get that too? I had horrible acne this past week too…and I never break out. Even the husband made fun of me =(  I am so confident that I am not pregnant, I skipped my appointment to get my progesterone check to see if I ovulated. WHY would I do something like that? Because I was scared that instead of a 9 like last month, it was going to be a 25 or something, where the nurse would call and say “Looks like you got a strong ovulation”, and then I would hate my husband more. So I didn’t want to know. Whats the point? So I can sulk about it for the next 5 months?

Oh well, I know it’s going to be hard, but it’s not or first time being away from each other, and although I think life is being a c**t right now, I really to believe that the time apart, and the time to reclaim our sanity, relationship and health, is just what we need so that come September, we can start a stronger and more dedicated round of baby making.

Happy Easter, and I hope you all had the best of luck on your egg hunts!

Till Then,
Mrs. M

4 thoughts on “Reset.

  1. I haven’t gained much weight on Clomid, but the hot flashes KILL me. I was on 100 mg of Clomid from my first RE, but I got more reaction from the progesterone than the Clomid.

    You have a really healthy and positive attitude about this. I know it’s super cheesy to say this, but it’s inspirational. I’ve been working (or at least trying to work) on having a more positive attitude, but some days are just harder than others.

  2. Ugh, 100 mg? I’m only did 2 round of 50 mg and was a hot mess. I can’t imagine how bad it must be for you. Poor thing. I’ve switched to Femara. Maybe you can look into it when you pick up again.

  3. pushing the reset button sounds like a very tempting thing to do! think it will be really great to get back to excitement of seeing each other rather than the constant preoccupation with ttc. I’m such you’ll have tough times but like you say it will lead to a strong, healthy and reinforced relationship in Sept. xx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s