I am starting to feel a lot more empathy for Eve for choosing to eat the apple. Thousands of
years later, she is still being cursed for causing us all to be ‘sinners’ along with being blamed for painful childbirth… “WHY Eve?! WHY couldn’t you just eat something else? Why the apple?” …..It’s because us women don’t have any God-damn self control. ( I know I know I know, it was because the serpent told her to do it)
I was like Eve in the bathroom this morning, but instead of an apple, i was admiring a pregnancy test. “Don’t do it….don’t pee on the stick of knowledge…it will only bring bad things!!!” I told myself. May I remind myself, that we DIDN’T have sex during the right times? We did manage to do it on the first day of the darkest positive, and then a couple days days…. so there was a glimmer of hope I refused to think about. That glimmer started getting a little more prominent as the days went by and my boobs hurt more and more…and I Mean HURT, i actually iced them last night!
If I couldn’t get pregnant having sex every day for 4 days straight,….what makes me think the one day of Positive OPKS will do the trick?
The husband was in the shower….the HPT was sitting on the counter, and I started to reason. Instead of “the apple looked so beautiful” It was “…I’m pretty sure these tests expire, and if we are going to be away from each other for 5 months…might as well use them up!” So I tore open the package and peed. 
And just as Eve was hurled out of the Garden of Eden, my mood spiraled straight down. Negative.
“Well not shit, what did you think it was going to be? and immaculate conception?” I told myself.
Poor Eve…. she just wanted an Apple like I wanted a BFP…. can we really blame each other?
Till Then,
Mrs. M
Stalking the Stork 
I do that to myself all the time. I totally hear you. Eve would empathize.
I have a stick calling me from my cupboard even though I know I’m being stupid and it’s not gonna happen … We’re just about to start IVF FFS!! But still it calls…
haha, they should with a warning! Kind of like gambling… “if you have a problem/addiction to POAS, there is help for you”!
It’s ridiculous that even when we KNOW it’s not going to happen, it makes us wonder “what if” and then we get all upset cause its a bfn! crazy girls we are!
Ugh, I have never tested on my own before. Mostly because I would rather someone else tell me the bad news. People think I’m crazy, but I’d rather delay the sad feeling as long as possible and just pretend to be hopeful. That’s not to say that if I had a surplus of tests, that I wouldn’t have done the same as you!
Let your body get back to zero and refresh itself. I am doing the same this month and so far it feels so good to not focus on baby dancing every day. Have a good week and hang in there! 🙂
I am looking forward to it too, for sure! It’s a ridiculous time. I think of POAS like ripping off a bandaid……I know its going to hurt, so I might as well get it over with now, because I have cramps all day, and I’m crying with despair! This break will be good for me!
Also… .88 cent tests at Walmart…I but 7 at a time each month, so I can POAS starting at 10 dpo…. (terrible, I know! but for .88 cents?! )
I was really hoping it would be positive for you this time. Is it 14 dpo? I’m only on day 5 of the TWW and I want to pee on a stick. Stay active on your blog the next 5 months even if you aren’t trying! I love your posts 🙂
Oh my goodness, I am so flattered! Thank you! sometimes I wonder if I bitch to much, or my crazy, infertiliyt moodswings turn people away! Thank you thank you thank you:)
It was only dpo 11, lol. I saw a shadow of a second line…buts that’s AFTER I dismantled the test, laid it on some white paper and held it up to the light…I’m pretty sure that was the line that is built into the test to change colors lol….aye yi yi…I know this month isn’t our month! I did so well during the last 11 days to not even think about it. I have signs that are telling me that beyond-a-shadow-of-a-doubt, I am NOT pregnant…but come day 11/12 dpo, I turn into a crazy person!
Good luck on your TWW Chicago friend! Hopefully this beautifully sunny weather we have been having will give you enough relaxation that the egg will be caught with no problem!
Hell, I just had my AF, and I’m tempted to pee on a stick just to see if I have any traces of HCG in my system – it’s one of the Genzyme pregnancy tests that can see small amounts of hormones, and I heard that some women naturally have HCG that triggers a false positive on the tests. It’s all in the name of science, right?
So I had to hide the tests on myself.
aw!! *hug* I started spotting today…and unless its full on tomorrrow..I’m gonna test with one of those internet cheapies. *sigh*