This break is not as easy as I was hoping. I’ve started breaking the habit of taking my temp, and reaching for the OPK every morning. I still can’t help but to exam my CM….I think more or less just for reassurance that I am till “working”
I shouldn’t have. I started to notice EWCM, and it happens to be the ONE weekend the hubs and I are away from each other, and to make things even more frustrating, is that it IS on day 14! I usually get my EWCM on CD 21…. and now that I am off Clomid and without a husband, it seems like I am up and running ‘normally’ again! Ha. The irony eh? Maybe if I can just keep it up on trying to forget about it all, it will continue this way. I don’t know.
This is my first full cycle with the hubs being gone. I have so much going on too…my house flooded yesterday due to this awesome Chicago rain. I got the new roof on my house today! Very stressful, but it looks greats! My painter is starting tomorrow, and this time next week, I will have a beautiful finished house….then I will just be able to “play” around on pinterest and get fun things to do on the weekend.
So how about this Mockingjay? I feel like a smoker who is quitting smoking…all they see are cigarettes…or a dieter, the first week on the diet when all they can think about is sugar and hamburgers…..oh life…..so This is my week:
My new team I am on at work was relocated all into the same area. I was assigned to sit next one of the other girls assigned to the team….who is really really cool, and 20 weeks pregnant. “Gosh, this pregnancy is totally unexpected, we weren’t anticipating this, I have a medical condition that I thought was going to prevent us from having kids, and we didn’t want them for another three years…but SURPRISE!” …. It’s and exciting time for her, I know. I am happy for her, and jealous of coarse….I guess at 20 weeks, she’s starting to really “feel” being pregnant…and complains ALL day long.
Finally i broke down and told her that she should be happy that she is pregnant, because I would love to feel those “pains” …. I told her that my hubs and I have been trying for damn near three years, and haven’t had any luck…..*sigh* and she tells me “you just need to relax, it will happen”
How many of you just cringed reading that? Anyway, THEN on my way to work, the topic of the morning radio station was “crazy things your body did while you were pregnant”….Seriously?! That’s the topic for the day?! gahhhhh, so I changed the channel, and it was about Kate Middleton’s bump….
So I get to work and I open my e-mail….. I’m not even shitting you, one of the two e-mails I had read “Top Scottish baby names”…because why wouldn’t that be in my e-mail?!. So I tell the pg girl, my desk mate, about life mocking me and she said “maybe if you weren’t so negative about other people being pregnant, you’d get pregnant”…..I’m not even going to comment, I’ll let you ladies have fun with that!
Having a father from Scotland, I tell my husband that I want to have more “heritage” oriented names…. So I am always on the lookout for one! I have a polish name for a girl, but I browsed the “baby names” e-mail, and fell in love with the Scottish name….Isla (ee-slah)
Now…If I could only get pregnant! ha, I know I know, I’m on a break, and it’s much needed! I call my husband and we talk like we are dating again! We giggle and we laugh, and we talk, and it.is.wonderful. So there is a lot going well….I think the lesson I am learning from this, is how to deal with jealously and frustration with other peoples pregnancies, while I stay currently empty…..
I’m not a Christian, and I don’t believe in “A God”, but I have to wonder….why my only friend in the Chicago area happens to be pregnant, my SIL being pregnant and wanting me to come to her Baby shower, while I’m alone in my house, with an empty uterus, and my husband living 5 hours away, and everywhere I turn its baby things!…. oooooh the irony of my life!
I just need to learn that this IS my life, and I need to enjoy it, no matter what it holds for me, because it could end sooner that I plan, and I don’t want to ‘miss out’ on the best years of my life which are right now!