Yep. I am going there on this post.
Nipples are a funny thing. It’s one of the words I can’t stand even the sound of. They are such a versatile part of our body, aren’t they though? They are a feeding tube of life, a chew toy (or so they think) for our husbands, and for those of us trying to conceive, they are like a weather vane with a storm on the horizon.
With my husband being gone….well nipples have just been another part of my flabby, bloated, and bored anatomy……. that is, until yesterday. *sigh* I hate that I am going there right now.
So I was hoping out of the shower yesterday, grabbed a towel and wrapped it around myself. *OUCH….what the….*. I tucked the last part of the towel into itself to secure it, looked in the mirror and thought to myself, ‘why are those so sensitive?’ and then I thought….. and then I cringed…. and then I tried to unthink it. ‘I don’t have time to deal with this shit now….I have a lot going on, finding myself in a two week wait is not going to be one of them’.
So rewind a couple more day back to Friday. I woke up, noticed EWCM, and was pissed that this is the weekend my husband decided to stay in Ohio. Throughout the day I noticed more and more. All of a sudden, my computer completely crashed at work, and I was a sitting duck with nothing to do, so my boss said I could take a half day….. half day….EWCM…. I’M DRIVING TO OHIO! I made it just in time to have some of the best sex of our marriage….and again on Saturday.
Now I am trying my hardest not to be”trying” to conceive until he comes home, and in which then we can make an honest go about it, but why waste perfectly good EWCM? hahah – only us ttc can understand that!
Again, haven’t given it any though until yesterday. It can’t be….could it? I mean, it’s only been 4 days…..to early, no? I know what you are thinking “please God, I will cry if she gets pregnant over a weekend with her husband before me who has been trying every single night”. I know ladies, and rest assured I am so confident that there isn’t a snow balls chance in hell that I am pregnant, that I am dropping $120 bucks to register my friend and I for the Warrior Dash that is coming up in June! I am that confident.
We tried every other day for months straight. Yes, I could have been ovulating like I do EVERY month we have sex at the right time and still are childless, but the hard truth is, is I don’t have enough progesterone to sustain a pregnancy. I refuse to take a pregnancy test this month. It’s a waste of time, money and heartache…..I will find out on the day of my race. So I am either going to be running my first race with joy and pure bliss, or sobbing angerly the entire 3 miles.
It’s such an uncomfortable feeling for me. I want to be pregnant more that anything, but I am so jaded from month after month, that when my nipples point east and try and warn me that there might be something on the horizon, I get bitter, because I know it’s just another false alarm…..
That’s all I’ve got. It’s hot here. I was so tired today I fell asleep on hold at work because they were playing elevator music on the other line. I felt SO sick I was that tired, but I got home, and I forced myself to lace up. I feel good about the run, but good God am I tired!