This month was a month like none-other. I know we’ve been up in the air about fertility treatment, but we decided to say “what the hell” and take the Chlomid for another round — we had nothing to loose right? I didn’t even think anything much of it, in fact, I was so opposite of the obsessive TTC wife that I had become, it made me really wonder if it is what I want. This month, I had to set a reminder on my phone to remember to take the Clomid, since the first night I completely forgot. I took 5 days at 150 mg. No side affects and I didn’t pay any mind to the lack of them. We had fantastic sex like we have been having since he came home (I know, I probably could have left that out, lol). I noticed EWCM, so I took out my OPK, and sure enough on Thanksgiving it was “make sure we sleep together tonight”. and of course we did 🙂
A week later I went in for my progesterone test, and it was 24!!!! The months before I was only at a 5. Great news! My Dr was excited for me, and again, I didn’t pay much mind, but glad that I did, indeed, ovulate. I didn’t POAS early, I didn’t obsess over my boobs. Nadda. It’s the holidays and I was going to enjoy them, damn it!!
Today I woke up and started my period. I didn’t even have a single pain of sadness, jealously or remorse. It is what it is, and there isn’t much I can do about it. I didn’t cry and I didn’t hope that it was just spotting. I wasn’t in some sort of denial trying to convince myself that you can still be pregnant and have your period, like I had months prior.
I yelled down the hall to my husband, ” I started my period!” and he was on the same page as I was.
We made some fantastic coffee while we nursed our hangovers from the wicked awesome company party we had the night before. We sat on the couch and looked for a fun restaurants to try out in Chicago tonight, and then I looked and him and said “We’ll be okay without kids …right?”
Let’s face it, we have to talk about it. I ovulated on the right day, we had sex at the right time, my numbers were good and it didn’t happen. It’s clearly not meant to be.
So what does my husband reply to that statement? “Fuck ya it will! We are going to have a kick ass life, like we have right now…. we will be able to travel and do fun things for ourselves, sleep in on the weekends and never have to stress about children being sick or injured, stolen or have behavioral problems. It’s just us babes, and we will rock this”.
I love my husband. I truly have such a wonderful caring, selfless husband. We might do another round of clomid for “shits and giggles” but when it runs out in two months, I think we are going to call her good.
I have started following DINK (double income no kids) blogs, and let me tell you ladies who aren’t pregnant yet — it looks like a whole lot of fun!! I need to start submerging myself with that lifestyle rather than constantly try and keep up with those I biologically can’t keep up with. I feel sometimes a pain of jealously when I see baby announcements, but then when we go out to party’s and our friends can’t stay up or drink because “of the kids”, I feel a pain of remorse for them.
You can’t have it all right? This life is all what you make of it, and so I’m sharpening my pencil to begin writing the greatest story I can.