Running away

I find that running away from your problems is one of the healthiest things you can do — or at least for me it is. I keep talking about how hard this winter was, and yet here I am…. staring at an August calendar. Where did the summer go?

I dug deep down in my dresser until I found my favorite pair of running shorts, a pair  of lime green socks, and my running top. I put on the clothes, hoping to immediately be transformed in to this rock-star running-like Goddess… Ready to feel the energy pulse through me, like Rocky before a match– Eye of the Tiger secretly playing in my fictitious background theme song— but to my humble surprise, there was no feeling of awesomeness. No feeling of immortal power…no ‘Adriannnnnn!’….just an overly tight sports bra, and shorts that use to fit, accentuating a very frumpy spare tire.

What… the Hell.

 

It’s been busy this year already. We got back from Europe in the second week of July, and had to hit the ground running. I kissed my husband goodbye and ‘until next weekend’, while I stood in my back yard wondering….’How am I doing to do this’? The weeds had over grown my yard, the trees needed to be trimmed, the gutters needed to be cleaned out, the dog shit needed picked up, my bank account was completely empty since we decided to ‘live it up’ in Europe.

It’s the kind of overwhelming feeling,  where it truly gets harder to breath, and all you want to do is lay down and take a nap. I didn’t know where to start. So I decided to do something I had been longing to do since last year — run away from my problems.

I needed to breath (heavily), i needed to feel pain in my sides, and sweat down my back — I’d take anything than the anxiety that was consuming me.

There is something very therapeutic about a trail run. The nature, the air, the mental stamina to not trip (or have a heart attack). It was hard… and I hated myself every tenth of mile I struggled, I hated myself for giving up last year. I  did so well. I was up to 5 miles last year, I ran 4 races, with a decent mile pace.

Now… now I’m a pathetic blob on the trail, to winded to even swear out loud. But I’m getting there. I’m not giving up. I signed up for a race at the end of August, so that I have a reason to train and push myself.

I love my thoughts on the trail though. On the days I don’t feel like I’m dying, I actually think. I think about Fall, and pumpkins. I think about how I am going to tackle my yard work, and pay off my student loans…I think about how damn good I want to look in a fall sweater this year– so damn it keep running!

I feel small, yet a part of something so much bigger when I’m out there. I hope that I can tackle this race in three weeks. It’s going to be hard.. very hard….but maybe if I keep a list of my problems, I can see how fast I can run away from them.

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