You are probably pregnant if you are reading this

Why? BECAUSE EVERYONE IN MY LIFE IS!  My god. I am trying to be positive here. I’m trying to be relaxed. I’m trying to not “worry about it”….. I just want to SCREAM! Every time…and I mean EVER time I log into facebook, someone is posting their new Ultrasound Picture. My friend, who by all means should not be getting pregnant due to lifestyle, is having her first baby soon.

I see old friends from high school getting pregnant from one night stands, living off the system, and having their parents watch their babies as they go out clubbing….. ME? What am I doing? I’m F’ing staying at home, trying to decide if my OPK was darker today than it was yesterday, while I’m sipping on herbal tea that is suppose to help cervical mucus! GAHHH!

I just can’t do this any more!

I logged onto Facebook today, and saw a picture of my ex boyfriend, who NEVER wanted to have children, on a friends post, holding a “maternity bag” in his hand….WHAT THE HELL?! We broke UP because he never wanted to have kids, and that is my life goal. Oh, and not to mention, both him and his wife are excessively overweight and completely unhealthy, and eat souly fried foods. Are. you. kidding. me. I’ve been living off a juice diet the last couple of days because my dr. said I should loose some weight…I’m a size 12 in jeans! I know I probably should be a size 8, but my friends who are getting pregnant are upwards of size 24-28!

You know, its days like this I wish The Dr. would just take my whole damn uterus out. Clearly it’s not doing anything. I would much rather KNOW I couldn’t have children, and move on, rather than have to go month after month trying and stressing and crying because its not working.

Is anyone elses marriage being crippled over this…this supposedly beautiful experience? “a child is conceived when to people love each other”. Fuck that. Apparently a child is more likely to be conceived if you get shitfaced and are irresponsible during a one-night stand! There is nothing sexy about trying to conceive after three years. It’s more like “alright, we are going to have to have sex tonight…can you deal with that?”

I think i’m going to go into my room and sob until I pass out. Why….why why why can’t I get pregnant as easily as anyone else!? I own a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house. Plenty of room for a family. It has a beautiful fenced in  back yard, and we live across the street from a baseball field.  We are in a stable loving (it is when I’m not ovulating) relationship. We are financially responsible and stable. We don’t depend on the government to survive….yet, I see so many welfare ridden, irresponsible women walking around with babies in their bellys, hanging off their arms and legs, who seem to get pregnant just by looking at someone else. Why can’t a person who has their shit together, who is ready and would make an awesome parent, not be able to get pregnant?!

“somebody needs to pay for all my 15 kids, and someone needs to be held accountable”

I’m just being bitchy. That’s all. I’m annoyed and bitter, as I’m sure anyone trying to conceive is. *sigh* I am better than this….

In the words of Kurt Vonnegut:

“Be soft.
Do not let the world make you hard.
Do not let pain make you hate.
Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.
Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree,
you still believe it to be a beautiful place.”

 

Till then,
Mrs. M

7 thoughts on “You are probably pregnant if you are reading this

  1. Yep! Almost everyone ik including those who didnt want kids hav them now and some r probably working on their second or 3rd by now. i hav days when i feel like giving up. The only good thing that has come from needing ivf is getting my love life back to not being a chore. we now know there’s no point to “try” and when it comes to sex, that’s a relief. I just found out my hubbys cousin is prego after not even trying. she’s like 18. Grrrrrrrrr!!!!

    • Gah! That’s the worst, when someone gets pregnant and wasn’t trying. ….. I don’t know why, but it feels like a huge slap in the face! I’m jealous sex isn’t a chore now! I’ve been trying to make it more romantic, but….lets be serious, lol. Hopefully sooner than later things will work out

      • Lol yeah but trust me, we went through an unromantic phase. it gets better tho eventually. at least it did for us, however, by that point my endo was so bad that sex is a pain. literally. lol. i hope it all works out for u. i always hate to see ppl suffering through this.

  2. I totally understand your frustration…I am in the same boat. Everyone around you is pregnant, or showing off their new born and those of us that really want a child and would shower him/her with love and affection are still childless. It really does seem so unfair. I have good and bad days like everyone else, but the bad days are hard to get through sometimes. Hang in there and hopefully soon this will all be behind you and you will have a loving child to share with us all. Just know that you are not alone and you are not the only one screaming in frustration at times 🙂

    • Thanks for commenting. It is reassuring to see people on here that are going through the same thing, especially when you read the post when they finally got pregnant! It also helps going through the bad days with people that truly get it, and aren’t telling me that I’m trying to hard. Hopefully the ‘better’ days will start out numbering the bad ones!

    • This women made me so irate! It was one of my bad days when I saw that, too! Here I am, paying for her ridiculous fertility issues, while paying for my infertility issues. I think Life enjoys to slap us in the face every now and then.
      I’m glad you like my blog! I’ve found it to be a great place to vent all the frustrating parts of trying to conceive, while being among other women who actually understand.

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