Why? BECAUSE EVERYONE IN MY LIFE IS! My god. I am trying to be positive here. I’m trying to be relaxed. I’m trying to not “worry about it”….. I just want to SCREAM! Every time…and I mean EVER time I log into facebook, someone is posting their new Ultrasound Picture. My friend, who by all means should not be getting pregnant due to lifestyle, is having her first baby soon.
I see old friends from high school getting pregnant from one night stands, living off the system, and having their parents watch their babies as they go out clubbing….. ME? What am I doing? I’m F’ing staying at home, trying to decide if my OPK was darker today than it was yesterday, while I’m sipping on herbal tea that is suppose to help cervical mucus! GAHHH!
I just can’t do this any more!
I logged onto Facebook today, and saw a picture of my ex boyfriend, who NEVER wanted to have children, on a friends post, holding a “maternity bag” in his hand….WHAT THE HELL?! We broke UP because he never wanted to have kids, and that is my life goal. Oh, and not to mention, both him and his wife are excessively overweight and completely unhealthy, and eat souly fried foods. Are. you. kidding. me. I’ve been living off a juice diet the last couple of days because my dr. said I should loose some weight…I’m a size 12 in jeans! I know I probably should be a size 8, but my friends who are getting pregnant are upwards of size 24-28!
You know, its days like this I wish The Dr. would just take my whole damn uterus out. Clearly it’s not doing anything. I would much rather KNOW I couldn’t have children, and move on, rather than have to go month after month trying and stressing and crying because its not working.
Is anyone elses marriage being crippled over this…this supposedly beautiful experience? “a child is conceived when to people love each other”. Fuck that. Apparently a child is more likely to be conceived if you get shitfaced and are irresponsible during a one-night stand! There is nothing sexy about trying to conceive after three years. It’s more like “alright, we are going to have to have sex tonight…can you deal with that?”
I think i’m going to go into my room and sob until I pass out. Why….why why why can’t I get pregnant as easily as anyone else!? I own a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house. Plenty of room for a family. It has a beautiful fenced in back yard, and we live across the street from a baseball field. We are in a stable loving (it is when I’m not ovulating) relationship. We are financially responsible and stable. We don’t depend on the government to survive….yet, I see so many welfare ridden, irresponsible women walking around with babies in their bellys, hanging off their arms and legs, who seem to get pregnant just by looking at someone else. Why can’t a person who has their shit together, who is ready and would make an awesome parent, not be able to get pregnant?!
“somebody needs to pay for all my 15 kids, and someone needs to be held accountable”
I’m just being bitchy. That’s all. I’m annoyed and bitter, as I’m sure anyone trying to conceive is. *sigh* I am better than this….
In the words of Kurt Vonnegut:
Do not let the world make you hard.
Do not let pain make you hate.
Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.
Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree,
you still believe it to be a beautiful place.”