JUST RELAX?!?! Maybe they have a point….

Relax, it will happen” — Bitch PLEASE is that I want to scream…. You can’t just relax and get pregnant, and if I hear it again, I’m going to stab someone in the neck with my next BFN HPT! 

People have been having babies since the beginning of time, and lot’s of things have happened that made people stress….Great Depression and/or the Civil War any one?

But maybe (I am accepting defeat), maybe there is some truth to it? I am a very stressed out person, and it seems like I welcome anxiety into my life. Not like panic attack, but more like…. exhausted all of the time, because my plate is always three times fuller than what it needs to be (figuratively), and often, I find myself asking for seconds…i.e This week my house flooded, roofers came re-due my roof, I have painters over right now painting, the yard is a disaster and over grown, AND I just signed up  yesterday for volunteer for a “Clean up your River” day. I don’t stop.

It started 13 years ago, right around the time my mom was diagnoses with Leukemia. They had to go to Texas for treatment, and left me (13) my brother (16) and my younger sister in charge of the house, being watched by the neighbors, for a week or two at a time. My dad took me to the bank and set me up with my first linked bank account, and taught me how to do write checks, if I needed to get groceries or anything else for my siblings while they were gone. Women of the house at 13?! I didn’t really have a choice.

When I got into my senior year of high school, and applying for colleges, (I was in Germany at the time) I was applying ALL over the US, and it was a big decisions. How much, which region, what weather conditions, what majors, and my god I couldn’t handle it. I ended up getting lock jaw, because I would clench my teeth so bad at night, that the muscles cramped up and I couldn’t open my mouth for a week! Stress, they said, and that I needed to relax. Last semester in college I ended up getting Costochondritis, which is stress related, and the ligaments in your ribcage being to inflame, and it hurts like a son of a bitch. Relax they said, that’s what I needed to do.

I get to college, University of Tennessee. I don’t know a soul, and I don’t much care for the people. I start to look at where I want to transfer too, and within a week my appendix ruptures. ( I can’t make this up).

I transfer to NMU, and I love it. I made some friends, decided to go into the Nursing program (hardest program there) AND be a resident adviser….because why not? two months into the job, I start having pains in my side, go in for a test, and they tell me I need surgery because my Gallbladder has stopped working….no stones, no laceration or trauma to it…it just stopped working. It’s rare they said, but it happens “It could be stress related, are you under stress?” ….*Well, I am up until 4 am because of my job, I’m in the hardest program at NMU and I’m failing my physiology course, oh, and I don’t know how I am going to make next years tuition*

Next semester comes around (I got a loan) I switch majors, move off campus, meet a boy, get engaged to a boy, boy cheats on my with three skanks, we break up, and I drop out of school and work at Subway full time….. I start developing dermatitis, and I don’t know what it is. I got to multiple doctors, because I started passing out ans siezeruing from it….turns out I developed an allergy, that makes me have an allergic reaction when I get or touch something Cold….rain, lake water, cold sink water, ice cream, you name it, it’s cold, I had an allergic reaction to it…Cold Urticaria …epi-pen and all! What could cause this? The doctors don’t know but they said “stress could make your immune system lower”…of coarse it can.

I graduate college. YAY! 2010- I graduate in May, my husband gets a job offer May 15, we get married June 20th, we move to Chicago June 26th, we live in a hotel for 4 months, we find a place to live in the City, I find a job….we decided to start looking for houses in November 2010….anyone who has ever done that KNOWS how stressful that can be! March we found the perfect house, we closed on it after 2 months of back and forth, and signed the papers June 2nd. We moved all of our things in by July, bought a dog (because that’s what you do, right?) in August, end of August, my husband gets called to relocate to Pennsylvania for 2 years…..*breath* okay! I find renters, I get a U-haul, and I move my husbands things (he had to leave before me, so I could stay behind and find renters and finish up at work) out to PA, I start the new job hunt. Oh, I didn’t escape this stretch of crazy months, without it affecting me…I got Rosacea! And every-time I get overwhelmed, or stressed, or emotional… redder than a tomato I get! nice right?  ( I still have it, and this week everyone keeps asking me if i got sunburned!)

Three months after moving to PA, I find a job, at a hospital, and work all THREE shifts every week. Mid-nights on the weekends, mornings and afternoons during the week. It was awful. I have always been regular (36 days every month!) and since I started working and living in PA, I started missing cycles, I started being so irregular 54 days, then 32 days, then 75 days….and we did that for a year.

15 months after we got to PA we left PA! came back to Chicago, wanted to really start trying, we started our first round of Clomid in February (M/c) and the second in March…at the SAME time, he found out he had to relocate to Ohio.

Did I mention between PA and Chicago we adopted another dog, one who was from an abused home, and has issues and needs “special attention”???

Husband leaves to Ohio, my insurance company sends me a letter telling me I have to get my roof fixed or they will cancel…. I call roofing contractors, started my new job, wanted to get painters to paint to match the color of the new roof, and try and commute to Ohio on the weekends…..Flood? oh that was just a minor convenience.

So about this “just relax” ….do they mean, “don’t think about getting pregnant and you will”, or more like “Get your shit together, even your body doesn’t want to bring in a child during this shit-storm of a life you are going through

I’ve read up on it…..maybe the 15 years of “relax and don’t stress so much” from doctors actually meant something, and I don’t think its the “don’t take your temperature and you’ll get pregnant” but definitely something more like you are going to cause Adrenal Fatigue if you don’t chill the fuck out.

My lab work showed everything was fine, except I had lower levels of Progesterone. I was at an 8 when I was on my first round of clomid, and they said they’d like it to be upper teens, lower 20’s…. so I found an interesting article :

“Stress, as it does in so many areas of our lives, interferes with the reproductive process and is a major cause for infertility and miscarriages.
The reason is simple: lack of progesterone. The word progesterone means “for gestation,”
which means that women, you need this hormone in its right balance if you want be become pregnant and stay pregnant. Progesterone nourishes the uterine lining in preparation of the implanted fertilized egg. It is progesterone that continually feeds and nourishes the uterus during pregnancy. Unfortunately, constant stress causes a decrease in your progesterone levels.

When you are constantly in that “fight or flight” mode because of stress, your adrenal glands will produce additional cortisol and adrenaline. This is a normal bio-chemical process. The problem is that in order to make cortisol, your adrenal glands need progesterone. This causes your progesterone to be used in making your stress hormones, as opposed to what it is designed to do —support your pregnancy. ” — The Stress-Infertility Connection

For anyone interested more about Adrenal Fatigue/ Burnout, check this website out * Here*

Anyway, I know it’s certainly not the case for most people struggling with infertility, and people need to stop telling us that….but I wonder, in my case, having “unexplained infertility”, if maybe “relaxing” wouldn’t be beneficial….clearly stress has affected my body too much already! Acupuncture really helped, but I don’t even know where I could fit that into with my single-wife schedule….

Till Then,

Mrs. M

8 thoughts on “JUST RELAX?!?! Maybe they have a point….

  1. Oh.my.goodness. Wow, is all I can say! I know things are crazy right now being a single wife (love that haha), but it sounds like you definitely need to start saying no to some stuff, make some time for yourself and get back to acupuncture! I’m exhausted and stressed just after reading all that 😉

    • I know! It’s terrible…so i think when people tell me to “relax” maybe I should not threaten to punch them in the throat, but actually start listening to them lol. Maybe I can find an acupuncturist near my work, and go there on my lunch?! Have you noticed any difference with your visit?

      • Haha, I think you can still threaten to punch people… NO one should EVER say those words to ANY of us, ugh!!! Seriously though, that’s a great idea to see if you could do acupuncture over your lunch hour! I haven’t noticed any significant differences YET, but my husband thinks I’ve been more relaxed this week… and once in a while I feel like I have a little more energy than usual… so I’m hopeful it’s starting to make an impact. My lady told me with infertility patients, she’s found that it usually takes a few appointments before you start noticing a change. Fingers crossed it’s coming soon!

  2. I just want to know how not to stress??? How do people not stress during “LIFE”? All i do is stress and when i am relaxed i think i am just not stressed at that moment. And you cant take anxiety meds when TTC. After reading this post i realize this cycle i should try suppppppeeerrrr hard not to stress. Which is kind of a joke but i think i will try. My progesterone was a 9 last cycle so i have to keep taking the progesterone supplements during my TTW (which is grossly stressful). Good luck to you though,just like there is no right time to have a baby i think once your a stresser always a stresser (you just have to stress more about no stressing). I hope that life is stressing you now so that the later half of your life is relaxing (that’s what i tell myself even though every year that come brings no less stress).

    • Sorry it took so long to reply! I havent had internet for a week 😦 I saw some great things that help with stress like certain diets, and the book “the Buddha walks into a bar” is ridiculously helpful!!!I suggest getting it if you havent already!
      Although I stress all the time, I need to realize that it is what it is. If I can control it, then there is no need to worry. I’ve done a really good job the last two weeks! Can you take St. Johns Wart when TTC? I hear it helps soooo very much!

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