Greener Grass

The strangest thing happened over the weekend when I went to go visit my husband! We decided it would be fun to go to the Cincinnati Zoo during their Zoo Blooms weekend where all there tulips are blooming! It was so pretty, and I was so excited to be with my man for the whole weekend!

Well we get there, and everyone else in Cincinnati thought it would be the perfect Saturday for the zoo as well. I’m not even kidding, we were the ONLY couple without children and a stroller. As we pull into the parking lot, we see the parade of strollers marching towards the ticket counter, and my husband very kindly smiled at me, and said, “we can go somewhere else”. But I have an enough with my avoidance of pregnant women, children and baby. I refused to have it ruin my weekend with my husband. So I told him to press on, we’ll do it together, but if i star to cry, he can’t be judgmental.

So we are standing in line, in between to families with children….scream cranky children. The parents in front of me are just screaming at their children to sit down in the stroller or they are “going home and not seeing Elephants!”…yikes. My husband and I exchange glances, thinking the same thing, but refusing to say it out loud. After we get or tickets, we start walking around the Zoo and having the best time. We laughed until we were crying, we held hands, stole a couple kisses next to the Flamingo exhibit, and strolled around leisurely chowing down on some tasty funnel cake . Kids were everywhere. Some were running amock, others were tethered to their parent by a least, others were on the ground pouting and crying.

We decided it would be fun to take a train ride, and while we were waiting, we laughed cause we thought maybe the train is just for kids, because we were the only ones in line without them! As I looked around, I noticed how unhappy all the parents where. Not a single smiling couple. There was no family “enjoying” a day at the zoo. It was a rushed mad house.

Okay, so get to the point, right? The point is, I didn’t cry. I didn’t feel remorse seeing all the kids and their family’s….I just felt love for my husband. Love that we were doing something fun together…..together being the key word. Seeing these families miserable made me scared….do kids do that?! Maybe instead of being so miserable and sulking in the fact that I do not have kids…maybe I should remember just how lucky I am to be with my husband and be ‘Oh, so in love’. We can still laugh, and smile and show a little bit of flirtatious PDA….and I had to wonder….After spending the last two/three years jealous over those who had the ability to bare children, were there any parents out there amongst the sea of children, who were jealous of us? childless, happy,  in love,  and on a zoo date?

Don’t get me wrong, I still plan on hopping back on board the TTC train when the hubs gets back into town, but I know the grass always seems greener on the other side, and there comes a time you need to realize that if you take the time to water your own ‘grass’, it could be just as green.

so the moral of the blog….is that I’m starting to find normal again. To not cry and be overcome my jealousy and anger. In fact the pregnant girl at work has been talking more and more about her pregnancy, and I haven’t felt even a pang of jealousy towards her! It’s like it’s vanished…..I saw another pregnant lady at the zoo and I thought “whew, i do not envy her….she has got to be SO uncomfortable in this heat”!…

.Am I finally getting out of that black hole of craziness that consumed my life the last couple of years?! I think so, and it feels so damn good!!!!

Till then,
Mrs. M

11 thoughts on “Greener Grass

  1. so glad you’re feeling more positive. Its so hard to forget sometimes that having kids can be really hard and miserable! Its like we are striving sooo hard for it and it feels like once we reach our goal of having children everything will be amazing and wonderful and when our children scream and cry we’ll be like “oh I’m so blessed they are here, I just love the sound of their screaming” ….I have a feeling its not gonna be like that! And we’ll probably feel guilty that we feel miserable because our kids are acting up and we should be grateful to have them… oh the joys of a different type of misery we’ll face! ha! … hmmm that’s all alot more negative than it was meant to be! Yay for enjoying your hubbie!! x

    • That’s exactly what I was trying to get with this post! As hard as it is, sometimes we need to remember that children aren’t going to make our lives pure bliss and solve all our problems, and we need to enjoy the happy times we have together as just husband and wife, because, some day it WILL happen, for all of us, and we will never really have that alone time again, or at least not for a long long time.

  2. So, do people just park their strollers there? I don’t see many parents in that photo. Even though I’m feeling pretty zen about the whole IF thing at the moment, I don’t think I could have handled that. Kudos to you!

    • Like the train and rides, you aren’t allowed to have strollers, so they do just park them. I was surprised how well I handled it myself…infact it even scared my husband a little! but this break is what it needs to be… a break….not a 4 month period where I think more, plan more and google more….but a break to get back to a healthy marital relationship, a break to focus on my health, both mental and physical, and to relax and reboot, and it seems to be working!

  3. My close friend at work who has two beautiful little girls always tells me that children through a wrench in a marriage and I should enjoy the time I have with my husband as much as possible. I think to some extent that might be true, but nevertheless I still want them 🙂 I am glad you are seeing the other side…it takes awhile to get there. Really enjoy every moment you have in life with your husband and the quiet times by yourself, because once you have little ones your attention cannot just be focused on him or yourself.

    • So true! I don’t know why this month especially, (maybe it is because I am by myself) but I feel like I really aught to enjoy each moment and not try and rush through this…. If you’ve ever heard the song by Trace Atkins, “you’re going to miss this”, it’s such a great song to thing/remember often….it’s just all to easy to get caught up in ‘the other side’

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