I am not broken.
I am smart, beautiful, a little chubby but healthy. I am a conservative tree-huger, a fighter for animal rights, and I am a loving wife, sister and a friend. I am everything, but I am not broken.
WordPress sent me a “happy anniversary” today for being here a year. If only it new the reason I was here. Maybe it should be a sympathy message, rather than a Happy Anniversary. A year of blogs, and obsession, and bitterness. A blog where I have met wonderful people on a terrible journey, who shared our tears on our darkest of days, and shared our joy on the happiest. We. are. not. broken.
We are strong women. Stronger then most women I know because we have to face the difficulties of our bodies not working like mother nature intended it to. We are strong, capable and have beautiful souls because we want to birth and nurture another living being. We may be on a different path, But we are not broken.
I don’t believe in God. I don’t believe that there is “another plan” for me. What I do believe, is that this is real. That I may never be a mother to a biological child. But it doesn’t mean I am broken. It means that I have the opportunity to Carpe Diem! I am not just at a cross roads, but I am standing in an open field, allowed to wander in whichever direction I may choose, and backtrack if I may wish. I am the author of my life, and I refuse to write the ending because I’m not among the rest of my friends and society my age having children.
Just because I don’t have a litter of children doesn’t make me any less intelligent, strong, social, capable, loving, and passionate. Maybe I will place all my love and passion into making this world a better place for the children that are entering it. Maybe the word needs people who have the heart, flexibility and option to save the world. We are not broken. We may not be living the life we thought we always wanted, but there is no sense in pouting and missing the life we have.
Dear friends. If you are at a low tonight. If you had another failed cycle. My heart is with you, and I hope that you will have the strength to see your life as it is. It is what it is. Your life and my life, will not be meaninglessness because we are unable to conceive a child. Let us not forget that we have so much to offer the world, and we should do it.
“A Conception Story”, it’s what I choose as the address to my blog. One day I thought that these written hardships would be part a baby journal, a conception story, that I could share. But Webster doesn’t say that “conception” is just for pregnancy. Conception can be something that is conceived, a notion, and idea…
Maybe my conception story will not be filled with diapers and sleepless nights. Maybe my conception story will be part of a greater story, a story of the day when I choose to relinquish my preconceived thoughts on how my life should be, and embrace the idea of what I will make with my life that is.