So that last post — I guess you could say I was feeling a little bitter that day, eh?
I ‘ve decided to run from my problems, my bad days, and my memories. Now that my arm is half way decent, I have gone back to the gym and started running. God how it feels so good with each pounding step. I did my first 5K (not in a race, just timing myself) and it was beautiful. The sweat poured out of me, as if it was my body’s way of crying from the last few months. My shins are spent, but I went out an bought some fantastic new shoes (running shoes), which is suppose to help.
I also went back to trying to be gluten free. The new diet in combination of the running, i have lost 13 lbs since day we lost Sophie — 3 weeks ago. I feel better. I feel healthier. I feel more alive — but I am also still bitter as fuck…..but I will get there.
the SIL I wrote about months ago, is having her baby this week. I don’t know why I feel so angry about it. She shouldn’t have having kids- and this isn’t just a jealously issue – she isn’t physically capable of taking care of one! It just makes me so bad I cry about it. My husband and I aren’t even excited. It’s sad. It’s their first child, and I feel like we should be oogeling over them, but she is such a bitch, I’d be afraid I would just slap her in from of the entire hospital staff.
Okay, so I havent been able to outrun my anger issues with infertility, but I am hoping being down (7 lbs shy of my wedding day weight) with my weight and feeling healthier will help things along. I am hoping we will be able to do more aggressive infertility treatment, and I am really hoping he is going to be home long enough for it.
The holiday is coming up in a couple of weeks, and my husband wants to take me to the cabin with his bother, and their three kids (babies). Did I mention I don’t much care for her either? She dresses up her children like they are fashion accessories — really, why does a 3 year old need a mow-hawk and a skull and cross bones attire? Her 6 month old baby girl wearing nothing but zebra stripes and pink head bands. I know. I’m judgmental — but it’s my blog, and it’s the only place I can say these things.
I agreed to go and have fun with my husband, but I am dreading the days. We have to make the 8 hour trip north, and they NEVER come see us, because “It’s too difficult to travel with kids.” I’m going to call horseshit on that one. Yes it may be difficult, but her kids are so sheltered, that they don’t ever get to leave their neighborhood. It annoys me.
I hate that my husband and I, because we are “childless” have to do EVERYTHING because “it’s easier for us”. We make the drive back damn near once a month, and in the 3 years we’ve been here, not ONE of his family members, except his mom and dad, have come to visit us.
Wow, I promise the next post I write will not be so angry! I will tell you how the running and the dieting is going! Hopefully I can loose just enough to look good in a bathing suit for our upcoming getaway!
Sorry again loves for the horrifically angry post — and thank you for being here for me:)