So I promised…. I swore, I wouldn’t take a pregnancy test, but as soon as I walked down the .88 Cent aisle at Walmart that was filled with HPT’s I figured, “what the hell…I’ll buy 4!”
So the last three days I have been taking them in the morning before work. I shower, get dressed, and before I run out the door – nadda. Stark white….. But when I get HOME there are definitely two lines there…shadows may they be, but there are two…..
I walk in the bathroom after work, close the lid, sit down and have to ponder…are these two lines evap lines, or early faint +’s? I have many tests before the last three days, and have not had any that resulted with evap lines, even days after. The lines I hold in my hands are visible from when you walk into the room and just look at the HPT on the counter….no taking it apart, no bending it in the light.
I came home today, and it was still so faint, but yet there. I was on the phone with my hubby and said “Fuck!” and when asked why the sudden outburst, all I could tell him was “The pregnancy test I took this morning has two lines….God damn it.”
Wait….shouldn’t this be a good thing? Shouldn’t I be jumping up and down with joy? crying and telling my entire family that we did it?! Shouldn’t I be piecing together some cute sign to show him via skype?
No. because I know that this will past….I’m more worried about it “passing” during my first 5K tomorrow. I’ve been through this before. The cramps come and go, and get stronger and stronger each time they come…maybe a couple hours apart? The tests still waive between faint positive and stark white negative. They never get dark, and they are never fast appearing.
I have accepted this. I know it’s my progesterone. My progesterone the last time I had it checked was 8 and that was ON chlomid, which had made it double from the level 4 before I took it. I can get pregnant, but I sure as hell stay pregnant. It has to be the low progesterone right?
I can’t wait for the hubby to get back in November/December so we can go see someone again. Remember right before he left, I said he was only going to be gone for a 3-4 month project and it will be a nice break from TTC? Well ladies, it has turned into a 9-10 month project, with a possible 3 extra month extension on top of that! GRRRR!
This will get better right? I want to focus all my energy into running….. and if I can’t have kids, and least I don’t want my running to be affected…. to miscarry a VERY early chemical on the day of your first race would just be a hard, cold, bitch slap in the face from all the powers that Be.
Low progesterone could be the culprit right? or is my husband and I’s DNA just THAT incompatible?